Fatherhood
Traditionally, talk of parenting has been the exclusive domain of women. From mommy blogs, to parenting magazines, to the iconic image of mother and child in art, raising children has been assumed to be a woman’s role.
But what about fatherhood? It’s a subject not given as much attention in the public arena. But our generation of young men is now giving more and more energy to their roles and experiences as fathers; and it’s about time we paid attention.
Read Andru Matthew’s essay on the ambiguity he felt towards his role as a father-to-be in “Facing Fatherhood.” Watch the film “Shane and Carmichael” for an interesting perspective on raising twins. Explore the touching photographs that capture fathers bonding with their children. Share your stories and join the conversation.
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Disclaimer: I am not a father. But looking at young dads around me, I wonder what kind of father I would be, or could be. All the time remembering what most of my already-parenting friends remind me of:that I can't imagine it until it actually happens to me.
The new fathers in Pelle Koornstra's movie, even though they are from a different culture, remind me of the challenges my own friends face. Finding time to spend with the children after the long hours of a day job; "playing second fiddle" to the mother when it comes to making decisions about the children; losing control over one's time and freedom; suffering the frequent insult of the natural or learned attraction a child has towards their mother.
So, what is it like to be a young father in the 21st century? Listen to the stories of our contributors, and share your own thoughts.
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Posted on Friday, January 19, 2007 3:48 AM
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 9:59 PM
Traditonally our societal norms dont encourage fathers to stay home and take care of the kids but the scoiety is changing we have equal opportunities for men and women. Its hard one parent giving up their careers and ambitions and at the same time sacrificing it to raise kids. Even today, the greatest sacrifices are made by the mothers in my society, fathers take the traditional role setting of being the bread winner & make few sacrifices in raising the kids apart from making financial contributions. Its hard... i guess. Am not a parent yet but it worth seriously considering what kind of father would i want for my kids |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 8:28 PM
Raising children is hardwork. When father's share in this responsibility is at least half of the work, it makes family life easier. I agree with Guy that some men have discovered that special bond with their children. This is probably the motivation some young men have to make an attempt at fatherhood instead of hiding themselves in their work. To loving and active fathers out there... Well Done! |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 11:19 AM
Also - another thought: From looking at the submissions, and also at my friends who are already parents, it seems that young fathers today learn - the hard way - to appreciate the hard work our mothers performed. Work which - let's admit it - many
of our own dads dismissed as easy or automatic, often considering only
themselves to be the hard-working half of the parental unit.
But with it, they also discover the hidden joys of bonding with their children. I often feel that many dads in our generation are out to create a whole new kind of human relationship, maybe one that they dreamt they could have had with their own
fathers.
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 11:16 AM
Regarding fathers in popular culture - you could say that "Full House" investigated that role to some extent.
I do agree that it seems jarring even for me (I consider myself very liberal) to imagine that I wouldn't work anymore and just stayed home. Maybe it's because so much of our identity is derived from our profession, and this seems to be especially true for men.
"What do you do?" is the first question you get at a party. |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 7:46 AM
flickrdom representing!
Being raised by my mom only (my father took off when I was 10 and prior to that he wasnt around much either) I really admire you man, truly! Even though what you do should be the standard behavour, it still isnt. You are a special human being and an example to follow (dont hate me for posting this :P) |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 3:52 AM
I am an old young man 45 years brown black eyes I like the voyage, the exchange of gifts the avantures. very romantic and opened, I seek a young woman age indiférént to bind a friendship and marriage siaffinities. I sincere and nostalgic, I will like to make of my partner if we intendions ourselves, a woman of tomorrow. E mall: chaer_elhamra@hotmail.com |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 3:51 AM
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 3:43 AM
Haha. If it were only that easy to pick up women online. I give you points for trying though, after all this is the International Museum of Women. |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 3:33 AM
seek woman for marriage age between 20 years /50 years |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 3:32 AM
helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooo |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 1:30 AM
True, Michael. There are very few healthy role models of fatherhood in popular media. Al Bundy of Fox's "Married with Children" being pretty much the lowest valley. But it's popular culture which generally is not to be taken seriously at all. It's the lowbrow in all of us.
When I was staying home with my son there were days I would of done anything to just get out of the house and like, shoot a deer or something. Haha. But I think that feeling crosses genders. Kids can drive you batty.
One other thing. I sometimes feel that we have perceptions about what it was like to be a father twenty, forty years ago but don't really know the truth of it. I suspect that there were a lot of fathers out there who very much wanted to stay home with their children, but that just wasn't how it worked, or maybe they did? It'd be interesting to know statistics. I'd imagine that when fathers were laid off from work they stayed home to watch the kids while their wives picked up work until they could find a new job. |
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Posted on Wednesday, January 17, 2007 10:09 PM
Funny, Aksam, I've had a few proposals of that nature..."we could get married...I'll go to work and you'll stay home with the kids." I always found them enticing, but not enough. When I'm doing what I love, I love my work. But isn't it interesting that we can even speak of a distinction between forms of work (going to work v. staying home with the kids)? |
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Posted on Tuesday, January 16, 2007 6:42 PM
I agree with Michael.
I am a father, with two kids. I work. But secretly, i want to not work. I want to raisekids. I can't tell this to my own father or he would alugh. But this is not equal. |
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Posted on Tuesday, January 16, 2007 3:25 PM
I think it is a big plus for young men to be realising that parenthood can be very fulfilling. Traditionally, society assigns women to the job of looking after the children. With all the talk about 'Gender' it is welcoming that men are willing to challenge the status quo too, in this area. It is never too late for men to begin programs that provide the network and support needed to cope with fatherhood. |
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Posted on Tuesday, January 16, 2007 9:15 AM
I love Pelle's little film. It got me thinking about examples of fatherhood in our everyday popular culture. I'm astonished by the fact that our popular cinema contains so few depictions of healthy fatherhood roles. The best one I can think of is Finding Forrester (about a man who learns to father and a boy who finds some a father-figure). I agree that "mothers have a wide array of media outlets in which to express their views, from women’s magazines to television programs" and so it is great to see some Male expression of what it means to be a father.
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