الحمل
هل لديك كعكة في الفرن؟ هل تملئك بوميض متلألئ، أو تجعلك تشعرين أنك متورمة مثل سمكة كروية؟
بدءاً من القيء في الصباح، واشتهاء الطعام، إلى زيادة الوزن وضعف التحكم في البول؛ من المؤكد أن مدخلات ومخرجات الحمل تجعل أي امرأة دائمة التيقظ. قابلي الممثلة الكوميدية المقيمة في مدينة نيويورك، كارولين كاستيجليا، وهي تأخذنا في جولة شديدة الفكاهة عبر الوقائع المرحة لدورة لاماز، ومتعة التخدير، وآلام التقلصات في سرير المستشفى الواسع.
ما الذي يحدث عندما يكون الطفل غير مرغوب فيه؟ تعرفي قابلي أندريا هوبر، المولودة في النمسا، وهي أم عازبة على وشك الوضع تواجه الحمل وحدها وتسعى إلى هدم الفكرة المثالية الخلابة لدى المجتمع عن معنى أن تكوني حاملاً. وماذا إذا كان الحمل غير متاح؟ قابلي تيرتيا ألبيرتين، من جنوب إفريقيا، وهي تتعامل مع الإحباط بعد تسع دورات فاشلة من التخصيب المعملي. ما الذي ستفعله عندما يؤدي أول حمل ناجح إلى مولد "بن"، وهو طفل ميت دماغيًا ويزن "أقل ... من عبوة سكر"؟
انضمي إلى النقاش واشتركي في صفحة "اتخذي إجراءً!" الخاصة بنا، حيث تساهم نساء حول العالم بأفكارهن حول هذا الجهد البدني والعقلي لمدة تسعة أشهر. وعبر القصص الملهمة ومزيج من استكشاف الوسائط المتعددة، نتجمع من أجل أن نعبّر عن متع ومصاعب الحمل، والولادة، والرحلة الطويلة بينهما.
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After giving birth to my beautiful daughter in the month of December 2003, the meaning of the word pregnancy changed forever for me. My choice to bear our child, the child of someone I found complete faith and love with, was culminated in those precious few months before giving birth to Lyla. Never before did I feel ‘full’, like a pot of water on a really hot day. There was a feeling of fulfillment and completion. Pregnancy as my grandmother would say – cannot be put in words but felt and experienced in skin.
What were your experiences of pregnancy like? I invite and welcome you to join this conversation and share your thoughts on pregnancy
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Posted on Monday, May 14, 2007 12:21 AM
Here is a funny qoute I read in the morning papers today-
'is'nt it amazing how from a 9-5 working woman I
became a sun up to sun down, no vacation mom!'
It is actually fantastic to observe how women magically transform themselves into the role of a caretaker (of a life withheld and then nourished in front of their eyes).
Honestly perhaps with much more dignity and love after becoming mothers and encompassing and experiencing life within.
I went through gruelling labour and C-sec. An experience of course I would not like to repeat.
I look at my 3 and a half year old and find myself in love. I cannot wait to extend my family with a better choice (hospitals, nurses, epidural all the way-no natural birth with a mid wife, sorry but cant do that again!)which is just around the corner for me.
Now I work to balance home and love. How about you? |
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Posted on Thursday, May 10, 2007 3:14 PM
PREGNANCY
It is a season of vulnerable waiting,
a cycle of excitement and worry.
A transformation into womanhood,
defined by nine moons of naked growth.
Roundness growing like a ripe watermelon,
a dome shaped abode,
a pregnant Goddess .
One small potent seed
searches the physical imprint of its other self,
in the oceanic dreams and whispered wishes
of the mysterious underworld.
Secrets of the universe unfold
within the boundary of my stretching skin.
I hear the pulsating rhythm
muffled by the waters,
not the slow beating I imagined,
but a rapid drum.
Pregnant, I am heavy
with blood and water and life
Warm, wet and slippery,
the soul finally becomes.
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Posted on Thursday, May 10, 2007 9:55 AM
I encountered a very (I don’t’ even know how to call it) “interesting” situation during my pregnancy. In Romania, even if we lived in a big, beautiful and civilized city, I was surprised to find out that the doctor who supervised my pregnancy wanted to be in control of me giving birth as well. Not only by assisting me (with I found OK), but also by forcing me to choose a natural birth, without anesthesia. Why? Because, in his opinion, I enjoyed conceiving the baby, I’m going to have now to enjoy giving birth. Later on, I discovered an extra explanation to this fact: not all hospitals have the necessary equipment to monitor women during labor, so they have to stay near the soon-to-be- mother all those hours of labor, in order to supervise the contractions, etc. And if the mother in under anesthesia and can’t feel anything, it only makes their job more difficult.
So, I choose a different doctor, who did not mind to assist me all the way during labor and birth and am now happy to say I took the best decision under that circumstances. I gave birth having an epidural done, have beautiful memories from that special moment and am not afraid of repeating the experience.
Talking to many other mother, I realized that the percentage of women whose right to choose is limited by their doctors is way to big(at least in Romania) I only can encourage them to stand up for their believes, to understand that, in most of the cases, they do have a choice. Giving birth is one of a kind experience, you have to enjoy. It only happens once or a few times in a life and we should take advantage of the progress and technology the 21st century gives us.
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Posted on Wednesday, May 09, 2007 3:58 PM
It is interesting that you bring up the topic of work in relation to pregnancy. I was working during my first pregnancy and the shifting hormones sometimes was difficult to deal with because I was a lot more emotional and had trouble some times being professional, but I kept working. Three months after he arrived in the world I returned to work part-time. I found this very difficult because I felt like I should be home taking care of him. After 3 months of trying to make it work, I discussed it with my husband. We agreed that I should quit. I went from being very independent, career minded, no way could I ever handle being home taking care of children and cleaning, to a stay at home Mom :) Even now I'm not sure I could go back to work because I love being there for my two children and being a part of their lives. Pregnancy definitely changed my view on work. |
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Posted on Tuesday, May 08, 2007 9:01 PM
We live in a world comprising of all situations and circumstances.
There are people with mixed reactions and commitments.
It is interesting to note how a topic like pregnancy is so interlinked to sexuality for some. And perhaps rightly so.
There are parts of country like India that are ‘medieval’ but a bit more exposure would also tell you how the same countries are nonetheless emerging as a fast growing urban power. And this power may I mention is the same shared world over with developing countries. A lot of women are getting what they want and the way they want it. Unfortunately as in many cases there will be casualties of a nation growing whether they are children, women or even men.
Pregnancy is something extremely intrinsic and personal to every woman. Be it in remote corner of Africa, a home in Netherlands or in a private hospital in States.
It is fantastic to have strong and talented women like Ms. Huber who share their strengths and give a very positive vibe to individualistic women all over the globe.
It would also be interesting to know how your qualtiy and attitude towards work changes during and after pregnancy. Does the quality of work suffer or does it in some cases hone itself?
Learning to adjust to our (mine and my daughter’s) schedules I find myself a better organizer and less preoccupied by not so flattering self-interests!
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Posted on Monday, May 07, 2007 11:06 AM
Dear Andrea The lives of wome are all about understanding each others reality. i am happy we are begining to understand each others reality. To understand situation of women in India better I recommend you to watch a movie WATER by a female Director Deepa Mehata which was number two in OSCAR nominations. It is strong comment on condition of Hindu widows and the situation of women. The director was first banned to shoot the movie in Inda and she was enforced to do its shooting in SriLanka. then it was banned in India becuse it is directly challanging Manu Smriti which are ancient code of law for women. The film went for OSCAR nominations as a canadian entry and not an Indian entry. I hope it will make you realise the situation of Women in India. Muslim women are even worse than that. Whenever you enter any shrine in Kashmir there are big sign boards written WOMEN ARE NOT ALLOWED TO ENTER THE SHRINE. You can come across ridiculous remarks like "What is the need for women to go to mosques?" And there is hardley any mosques for wome to pray. People here are still in medieval ages. |
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Posted on Thursday, May 03, 2007 9:49 PM
Assabah-ul-Arjamand Khan: Is there something specific you would like me to comment on? From what I understand and have been educated about women in India, is yes, there is a lot of stigma attached and there is also an etremely different social structure and idea of morality. What I mean to say as a result of my experience and personal story I have shared with everyone, is that I came into a very difficult situation and did what I could. I took my circumstance and difficulties, much like you have your own in a different way - and tried to make the best life I could, and so far I have made a life that I enjoy. Becoming a single mother was not a plan for me, it was not like I felt empowered by my society to go and have this child, it just so happens that in the U.S. we have social systems which provide support and offer aid to women in my situation. Our democracy has realized that women having children without being married is a reality and they need help, it is not a perfect world. I speak from my heart, from my life - perhaps my situation could never exist in your country, but I still think you can learn something about courage and strength from my story that you can apply to your own life in a different way. I really feel that this life is about learning from your expereince and the world around you, learning what you can from others so you can enhance your life in a way that is accessible and meaningful to you. I think what you mean to describe as a man controlling a women's sexuality is referred to in sociolgy as gender roles and gender codification. This is something I am personally very interested in and have studied about here in the U.S. The ways our society, which yes is largely dictated by men, has been set up to provide the "proper" roles for women, expectations from women, ways of advertising to women......there are so may issues the list goes on. So yes, I do realize what is going on in your country, and I think in some ways we still struggle in the same way against issues like gender codification, but on such extremely different levels given the history and development of our individual countries. |
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Posted on Thursday, May 03, 2007 8:36 AM
I would really like Andrea to react to my comment.
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Posted on Thursday, May 03, 2007 8:34 AM
I have gone through the comment of Andrea Huber of Austria and she has been talking about the strength of single mother and the joys which a child can bring in a Single mother's life. But I want to make Andrea Realise that in our part of the world women are considered to be the honour of family and there is no question of talking about single motherhood. Social structures are so rigid that men want to control women's sexuality at every cost. By sexuality I dont mean controlling women's private parts I mean to control her mind. How she should behave with men in society. She and the world will be quite surprised to know that recently one of the lecturers was taking class upto 5:00 PM in the college where I work. authorities did not view it in Professional way , they were looking at it from moral point of view and the poor guy got a good bashing from the dean for taking extra class. So world can imagine when conditions are such when boys and girls are hardly allowed to interact, there is no question of single motherhood. It is so orthodox and interpretations are so rigid that such issues like single motherhood cannot even be dreamed by women not to talk of implementing it on the ground. She is lucky that there is no social stigma attached to it but whatever I have mentioned is the hard reality of our part of the world. I hope she will understand our reality as well |
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Posted on Thursday, May 03, 2007 8:23 AM
I also want to add further that Human Rights lawyer Varisha Farasat was here in Kashmir. We met at Cafe Arabica as strangers. But in short period of time she could recall that She has been reading my comments on IMOW and I had also read her Bio-data and her story and thus two of us felt connected and warm. This is again an example how IMOW can bind the women together. |
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Posted on Thursday, May 03, 2007 8:18 AM
With this Comment I really want to thank IMOW who have given me a VOICE which is so important as far as women in Our part of the world that is Sub-Continent especially Kashmir is Concerned. It really instills confidence in me to get more and more involved for the cause of women as I also feel empowered because I can share with the rest of the world what i really think as feel as a woman. In my opinion men can hardly understand the Psychological stresses which a woman has to undergo. I am feeling connected with the world. I also feel that my views matter to the world. And credit goes to IMOW. I am really thankful for providing me a Voice.But This is just the begining and we have to go a long way to furnish our goal of Women Empowerment
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Posted on Thursday, May 03, 2007 1:35 AM
Shamini, right now I feel great about my future life as a mother (blame the mood swings during pregnancy!). Yesterday I visited my prenatal class together with my husband for the first time. I am definitely a little afraid of the birth. It is looming in the background like a big unknown universe. But as millions of women before me I will also go through it. Thanks for your invitation to share my birth experience with you.
My thanks to Andrea for her kind and encouraging words. You are a very strong woman. My own mother was a single-mum and I know what it means to raise your child alone. |
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Posted on Friday, April 27, 2007 8:09 AM
Sonja, you are most welcome and make sure to share with us your experience of giving birth. Don't worry, you will definitley be a good mother. Tke care :-) |
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Posted on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 10:18 PM
These words are for Sonja and all the women who find themselves in question, doubt or fear about what the future holds for their life as it evolves after giving birth. First I would like to say that ANYTHING is possible _ I say this from experience as a single mother who faced a pregnancy alone, without a partner, without financial stability, a home or an education under my wing. At 21 I became pregnant and had to drop out of school to pay for my pregnancy and future of my child - all the odds were against me, but I found that where there is a will, there really is a way.
My little spark of life is now 4 and I am now one year away from graduating with a BFA in photography, I have a 3.7 GPA, I am already working as a professional hi-end editorial photographer and my work has been published in leading international photography magazines of our world. In a recent interview they were especially interested in my life as a single mother and as an artist, I was so internally amazed because 4 years ago I had no conception that people all around the world would be learning about my life and challenges as a single mother, how it has shaped me and my photographic work. Which it really has, and I could never receive what that experience has given me from anything else in the world - strength I didn't know I had inside, and I am already a very strong woman, perseverance which has filtered into my education and career, passion for life because having a child forces you to live honestly or not at all, these things and so much more.
I can't really say that I enjoyed my pregnancy because it was so emotionally painful as a single mother-to-be, but I can and will say that nothing in life is perfect and you never know when or what is going to happen to you, but it is what you make of it and how you chose to live your life that matters. I think that's really what's at the core of how we all feel and are talking about, not just motherhood and pregnancy, but what we have made of it in our lives and what that life means to us. The beauty of our life and experience is in our hands, it's really up to us to make choices and create a life that is in line with our goals, principles, values and dreams, and there are no excuses for that.
Is this possible with a self-concerned 3 year old or an explorative teenager that pushes outside of our boundaries? YES! It is about time, balance, role modeling and accountability. Is much of your day consumed by a little one who can't take care of themselves, perhaps, but you can infuse things that are meaningful to you in your relationship and time with your child - baths can be taken together with candles, music and rubber duckies. With the independent teens, your happiness depends on your parenting, do you hold them accountable, and do you explain why instead of hashing out? Children and teens sometimes are brought up to know their sense of self, knowledge and meaning as it is explained to them by the world, but what a large world this is and how easily they are influenced. If we teach them to communicate openly, honestly and logically - then dishonest or false attempts to pull them in a direction that is not comfortable or normal to them will not succeed, because they feel the purity of what you have ingrained within them and that is what feels right to them.
A balance, that is a difficult issue because mommy is often the primary caregiver, perhaps has to work and find time for herself and relationship. I find that if you give undivided attention to the little ones for a period of time, they too will need their own time and you can play next to each other doing your own thing. Being tired from work doesn't help with stress or tolerance, but as long as you can dedicate and invest in alone time, then I believe you can come back refreshed and prepared to handle anything. Make sure to make time to do your favorite things while they are napping and while you are together - share your passions with them!
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Posted on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 6:02 AM
What I dislike about being pregnant.
Other people:
- Telling you what to do with your pregnancy and life while pregnant. People will often tell you that you’re allowed to do this and that you’re not allowed to do this and that in case it affects the baby. They’ll tell you to change the way you live your life without you asking them for any advice to begin with.
- Telling stories that do not help your condition. People will often compare your condition to a relative they know or a friend they know who got pregnant and had a difficult time having the pregnancy. Or how difficult it is for a person in your condition to adjust your life once more to a new baby.
- Insisting you do what they know is right even if you don’t ask for it. They’ll tell you that you shouldn’t do this, that you shouldn’t do that, That you can’t do as you please because you’re pregnant to a point that what they’re telling you is for you to stay stuck in one corner, watch your tummy grow and get bloated and forget you had a life even after you give birth.
- Debates about future prophesies of who it’s going to look like if it’s a boy or a girl. More often than not, people will tell you that the baby’s going to look like this if it’s a girl or boy, and that they hope the baby won’t take after you given your own deficiencies. Joke or not, these people should just shut up and do you a favor by dropping dead.
- Giving you advises that are so ridiculous based on old wives tales. Old folklore will always come up during pregnancies. That a woman isn’t supposed to take a bath at night because the baby’s going to get cold. Or that a woman isn’t supposed to sew during the first trimester since sewing might close off the baby’s anus and all that bull crap that comes from old wives tales.
B. Physical limitations
* Mobility or the total lack of free mobility. – When you’re pregnant, you’re limited to travel from one place to another. Aside from that, a simple ride in a tricycle or a taxi does havoc on your bladders when you run over a hump or a hole in the road.
* Activity or the lack of allowable activity. – During the pregnancy especially towards the last trimester, your legs begin to weaken and walking becomes such a tiring activity even if you’ve only walked for 5 minutes. You can’t bend, you can’t reach for anything that falls on the floor, you can’t even take a decent shower since you can’t reach your legs properly enough, let alone wash properly enough due to the huge mass that’s formed around your waistline. Eventually, if you don’t get enough exercise, your legs bloat with liquid retention and everything else follows because you’re not active enough to get rid of the fat and the liquid your body consumes.
* Physical discomforts and the back pain, kidney problems and tummy aches. – When the stomach enlarges from the fetus, every organ around your uterus gets swept aside. The spleen, liver, intestines, bladder, kidneys and appendix gets moved into a tight spot against each other that a simple movement from the fetus will make you pee in your pants or make your last meal come out the same way they came in. If it isn’t the bladder or intestines, you’ll begin to have shortness of breath because your lungs are so tight with the liver and spleen being pushed up against it. Lying down or sitting up becomes a marathon feat since you can’t bend to stand up or lie down. You can’t lie down because you can’t breathe properly and you can’t stand up that long either because it’s torture to be pregnant and on your feet longer than you have to. If you sit down, you have to make sure that your tummy is protruding outwards since to sit up straight is not the right way to sit down.
* Diet and food intake (What can be or can’t be taken) – on top of the cravings you have during the first and sometimes second trimester, you are going to be told that you cannot consume junk food, processed food like hot dogs and hams, salami or even canned food. |
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Posted on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 5:22 AM
I really believe that pregnancy cannot be put in words but felt and experienced in skin...it is the most strong example of power and awareness!
The vibrant strenght of a "pregnant body" is just amazing.... |
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Posted on Tuesday, April 24, 2007 11:15 PM
Having a child, bearing a life within you.. Is it a question or is it pressure?
Do we spend any time in our lives realizing that there might be consequences of our opinions and attitudes towards other members? Things we say, not follow in our lives necessarily? What is our role as women in liberating thought process of our friends, sisters, sister in-laws and many women who surround us with the complex questions of becoming mothers. Do we perhaps influence a person’s natural decision to do the same and perhaps not really applicable to their lives and circumstances?
Those few months of pregnancy are important- do we as women become caring towards each other or do we let envy take a better hold of us?
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Posted on Tuesday, April 24, 2007 6:16 AM
There can be no doubt that women are today more aware of the joys and ills of pregnance. Whilst I can fully appreciate a woman's right in some societies to choose whether or not she wants to conceive some still hold to the belief that a woman's life is not complete until she bears a child. The more the better in some instances. If we know this to not be the truth then one wonders what it is that causes women to yearn for the experience of child bearing and birth.
Despite being educated and accomplished some women still feel incomplete without the joys of giving birth. There may be then something innately within some of us that indicates when our biological clocks begin to tick out of control saying to us it is time to give birth. I personally have no children but would like to one day. There are many things I would like to achieve and have children is one of them. That is not to say that not having children as a woman is a sign of failure but instead we all set goals and accomplishments vary as one does not have to experience childbirth in order to experience the joys of motherhood. |
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Posted on Tuesday, April 24, 2007 1:10 AM
To Shamini: Thanks for your beautiful and encouraging words. |
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