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The Center for Partnership Studies
Le Center for Partnership Studies est une organisation à but non lucratif qui mène des recherches, développe et dissémine un enseignement sur le modèle de partenariat. Il fournit des informations et des outils pour promouvoir le passage de la domination au partenariat dans tous les aspects de la société – de la famille à l’éduction, en passant par l’économie et la politique.
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International Fellowship on Reconciliation
Rejoignez le Programme « Femmes, Artisans de Paix » du International Fellowship on Reconciliation qui forme les femmes et les hommes à agir ensemble pour améliorer les situations de conflit.
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| STATISTIQUES: |
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| | • | En 2000 aux Etats Unis, l’âge moyen des hommes lors de leur premier mariage était de 26,8 ans, contre 25,1 ans pour les femmes. | | | • | Les statistiques concernant les relations sur internet reprises dans une étude du Sunday Times indiquent que les relations par emails peuvent être beaucoup plus intimes que les relations traditionnelles. Les femmes ont beaucoup plus de chance de rencontrer un amant potentiel sur internet, avec 52% des hommes admettant avoir eu une romance en ligne, contre 72% des femmes. | |
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You know, women these days have made tremendous progress in so many walks of life – but in terms of dating, they still behave as if it were the stone ages.
Think about it. In most places in the world, women have the right to vote. They have the right to work outside and earn income. To own property. So ladies, you also have the right to pick up the phone and call that guy …and not sit by the phone and wait for him to call you!
I have so many close female friends who will go on dates with some guy they really like. And when I ask them how it went, they get this sad puppy-dog look on their face, and say something like, “Oh, you know, great guy but he just hasn’t called me.”
So I say, “Have you paid your phone bill? Does your phone work?… Okay, then, pick up your phone and call him!”
I know it’s scary. There’s a perception out there that most guys don’t want women who are confident and aggressive. And you know what, maybe there are some guys out there like that. But there are also plenty who aren’t. And a woman’s going to find out sooner or later whether a guy is right for her. If she wants to call, and he thinks that’s a turn-off, well, maybe he’s not a good match. Better to find out sooner rather than later.
On the flip side—maybe he is the perfect guy for you—but maybe he’s too shy, or is waiting for some reason. What if you’re the perfect couple, but you never get together because neither of you are willing to take the risk?
Personally, I absolutely love it when women make the first move. Especially when it’s done in a simple, classy way. One time I was on a business trip and had been out to dinner with a group, but there was one woman at dinner with whom there was clearly some mutual interest.
I got back to my hotel room to call it a night, when suddenly my phone rang. It was her, and she said, “Hey. I just wanted to know if you wanted to catch up on another drink.” It was completely unexpected. I really hadn’t pursued anything but she just took the initiative. I really thought that was great.
Let’s move on to another topic: paying the bill for dates. Lots of confusion over this one, believe me.
Personally, I don’t mind paying for dates. I’m used to that inevitable interchange I call the “fake reach around.” The waiter or waitress brings the check to the table. She reaches for her purse, but somehow, her wallet is mysteriously buried and she has to take several minutes to dig around to find it. I have to interrupt her before she actually gets to her cash, and say something like, “No, no, let me take care of it.” At which point, she very quickly puts her purse away and pretends to be surprised, saying something like, “Oh that’s so sweet, thank you.”
Paying is fine with me, but I have plenty of female friends who don’t mind chipping in—and you know what, they’re sometimes scared to do it. Scared that a guy might think they’re too aggressive. Or on the flip side, ladies, what if you’re going on a date with someone who maybe is a student and you have more money than him at the moment. Do you just assume he’ll pay? What if you chose an expensive restaurant? Do you know what his attitudes are about you chipping in?
I have one solution for that problem: open up your mouth! No, seriously—just ask him. If you don’t know who should pay, then when the bill comes, ask him quickly what his thoughts are on the topic. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation. And listen, if the two of you can’t talk about who should pay for dinner without it getting awkward, you’ve got some major problems coming down the pike. Frankly, I think a lot of these kinds of issues can be solved just by having more honest conversations.
I’m not sure how many women I’m going to convince of any this. I’m a good salesman, but some of this stuff is just too ingrained. Frankly, I think a lot of women think it’s sexy when guys take the lead, have a date all planned out, and doing the asking for the next date.
But the rules of the dating game aren’t fixed. They’re a work in progress. And you get to help shape them!
There may be that perfect guy out there for you who just hasn’t gotten around to calling you yet, or who hasn’t thought of that perfect restaurant you’ve wanted to go to. The main point is to be confident; confidence is attractive in every person.
So ladies, do it yourself. Pluck up your courage… and pick up that phone! | |  | SIGNALER CETTE HISTOIRE POUR REVISION | |
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