Relations
Les jeunes femmes nous ont raconté encore et encore que le monde actuel des rencontres, du mariage et de la famille est très différent de celui qu’ont connu leurs mères. Est-ce que les jeunes hommes partagent cette vision des choses ?
Découvrez-le en lisant la pièce de Vyom Mehta qui explique la façon dont le cyber espace confine nos interactions avec le sexe opposé. Regardez « La Vie pourrait être un Rêve » de Wael Hattar pour avoir une perspective différente sur la violence domestique. Voyez si vous pouvez vous identifier avec l’un des « Objets pour Hommes Seuls » de Noam Toran.
Dans un monde où le rôle des jeunes femmes dans les rencontres et les relations amoureuses a radicalement changé, comment ces changements ont-ils affecté les jeunes hommes ? Racontez-nous votre histoire.
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Are men really from Mars and women from Venus?
It’s no secret that the world of dating and relationships has changed drastically for both men and women of this generation. The internet, for one, has had a huge impact. But has it changed “dating” for better or for worse? And just how widespread is the phenomena of internet dating? In countries without easy internet access, has dating and courtship changed all that much? Do men date a certain kind of woman but marry another?
What role are women playing in relationships these days? Do women claim they want the nice guys but always turn them down in favor of the bad boys?
Let us know what you think. Join the conversation.
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Posted on Thursday, June 24, 2010 3:48 AM
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Posted on Thursday, September 11, 2008 4:10 AM
Fernando, l am 24 and do not have much experience where relationships are concerned, but with the little that l know l am not about to pick up the phone and call this guy that l like. I have done it in the past but you know what, in the end l become the chaser and the guy just relaxes and does nothing except if i initiate it. So in the end it;;s more like l am the man and he is the woman as l do all the calling and the setting of dinner dates and upon questioning him, i get told the turth that l like him more than he likes me so why should he do the chasing. That, my friend sucks!!!
The other reason l will not pick up the phone is because down here in South Africa, my picking up the phone to make the first call means l am confident, which is true but do you know where that has gotten me as well?
I have had good successful guys come my way but walk away as l am too ambitious, too confident and am too sure of myself. Is it then a fault of mine that l knaw what l wnat in life, l know what l have to do to get it, l am sure of the things that l do and l am not held back by people's opinions?
I choose to let the guy do the first call than me because it just messes with me emotionally especially if l get rejected. I fear and fear rejection!!! |
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Posted on Thursday, September 11, 2008 3:45 AM
Thiago, I do not think circumcission is as common in Brazil as it is in South Africa.
Amongst the twelve different cultures in South Africa, there is the Xhosas and with these people, boys are not circumcised at birth. They only get circumcised when they enter teenage hood and iit is done in a way that people respect because it is someon'e culture but under conditions that get the whole nation crying.
These young men are taken to the mountains for a good two weeks and live under pathetic conditions, the cold, inadequate food, etc before they are circumcised. Some young men have even died in these camps and there has been so many documentaaries about it but no one really will win the battle in stopping these people from practising what they believe is right.
I come from a Shona tribe, which is originally from Zimbabwe and when l became a teenager, l had my vaginal lips pulled. NOt by choice but because it is believed that every woman should have big vaginal lips, is it for some sexual reason, I thhink so but no one ever explained to me why. I hated it and l still hate it and one day l am going to have laser surgery and have my lips reduced to their normal size.
Talking to my friend the other day, she actually pulled her lips by choice when she became a teen because, according to her aunt, she needed to have big lips that would hold a men's penis during intercourse, whole lot of crap!! Well at least so l think. Then there are other friends of mine who are happy that their lips were pulled and they quite like the sight.I disagree...
I have a friend who also has a ten year old son who was never circumised and she wants to do it now. I think it's not fair to let him go through all that pain now but the son wants to because when he went to school cacmp, he was the only one in the whole class who was not circumcised.
So yes, circumcission, we might not want to face it, it's an everyday thing. Be it in hospitals or homes, in Southern Africa it's a very normal thing.
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Posted on Tuesday, February 13, 2007 8:55 AM
Hola, pese a las nuevas y enormes ventajas ofrecidas por Internet, también es una herramienta utilizada para el engaño de miles de mujeres y hombres que buscan un refugio, donde la estabilidad sentimental y emocional no se puede concebir de forma estable. Internet hace que cada vez nos aislemos del mundo y creemos ilusiones que son utilizadas por personas para el engaño. Sin embargo como sucede actualmente también es herramienta para conocer a una pareja y establecer una relación, sin embargo esta no siempre esta basada en la confianza, lo que hace que cada vez haya más separaciones, dolor y más personas aisladas de la sociedad, cuyo refugio es el Internet y la mentira esto es lo que a diario puedo escuchar de las niñas con las que trabajo, ellas no quieren relacionarse y establecer una familia por que no quieren ser engañadas y burladas. |
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Posted on Sunday, February 11, 2007 11:17 PM
Things may look as though they have changed for the mordern day Indian woman and though the women now have global optiona due to the internet,the frank truth is that even today,we are faced with the painful choice of either a stereotype role of a traditional girl or face the possibilty of rejection from even educated men.Apart from all this,one disadvantage internet relationships is the creation of illusions and lies which later on make the woman go through disapointment,emotional trauma and loss of faith in human relationships,when they discover that their internet partner with whom they have become more close than they might have with a real man,has lied alomst about everything.Something should be done about preventing such incidents,as women always come out losers here. |
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Posted on Thursday, February 08, 2007 5:07 PM
I am really not sure about Internet dating. I've found that Internet dating can be rather like a "real" relationship without there being much to physically show for it. The emotions are definitely there, though.
I think that Internet relationships has definitely impacted on people - at least people in countries where you can easily access the Internet, I really can't speak for those where you can't - but I don't think you can treat it as a completely different phenomenon to other forms of dating. I think it's just one more way that people can engage and disengage with strangers easily, and people can do that easily enough in the "real" world as well.
Internet dating can't be characterised so easily as good or bad. For some people, it works out and for some people, it doesn't. Like all other forms of dating, it really depends on the individuals involved. |
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Posted on Monday, February 05, 2007 11:20 PM
hmm...i could so relate to wht u have said, till a few days back... even i used to believe tht u need to c a person to start datin n tht ppl who date online r those lonely ones...
but then, i am also seeing a lot of successful relationships and marraiges that started with online dating. though the concept starts online, but people end up into communicating on phone n then meeting up and then starting on the regular journey.
and i guess in todays busy life style, people spend more time online than freaking outisde, and its not all tht a bad option to find the right kind of person online??? the only difference is tht u c them later!!!
i guess its more abt the changing world n how r we adapting to it, mayb soon there wil b a time when dating might happen majorly online only.
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Posted on Sunday, February 04, 2007 6:20 PM
In my personal opinion, and having a latinamerican background, I strongly believe that women´s roles are rapidly changing...for the good of all of us (women), we are having access to education, health care, freedom of speech, freedom of choice, freedom of doing whatever we want...this is good in a way, since we are becoming independent, smarter, open-minded, multitask, etc...and we can positively contribute to the welfare of our own communities in so many different ways...and with this internet revolution, we are getting stronger, since it is an excellent tool to communicate, to entertain, to learn, to explore, to chat and even to meet other people online...I don´t have any comments regarding the "online relationships", since I have never been involved in one, and as a good old fashioned one, I still prefer the close and human contact. But cheers! to those who had been succesful in one... |
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Posted on Tuesday, January 23, 2007 12:09 PM
I don't think that asking men their opinion blocks women's perspective. Instead, we get an insight on what the other party thinks about issues which can clarify our own perspectives. Online dating is a sign of our times. Afterall, before the internet there were post brides (or something like that). You write long letters to someone you have never met, then they travel long distances to marry their love interest. That to me was even more daring especially without the benefit of telephone communication. What is your ship never reaches it's destination?
On the other hand, I think people should not be overly dependent on online dating, nothing beats meeting the person. More often than not many people hide under the anonymity online dating gives. But like Kerru I think that one shouldn't judge people who meet online. As long as the relationship works, I don't care how the couple met. |
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Posted on Friday, January 19, 2007 3:18 AM
This is definately a very interesting topic, yes most people may think reserved communities may not open up to online dating but believe you me online dating has also caught up . Personally I hve tried online dating and have most of my friends its great and people tend to open much more online than in person immediately. Of course one has to wary of the dangers involved in online dating but meeting your prospective partner online is an individual's preference one cannot judge inperson or online is better.
And yes, it is true women want good guys but always turn them down in favour of a bad man i guess its the thrill and the challenge .. the mystery the bad boy gives the elusiveness is what makes more women keep chasing after the bad men |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 1:26 PM
I feel like I want to say something here, but I don't know that I'm entirely qualified. I met the love of my life online. We're not married or anything, but I adore him and never dreamed this is what love could be like. But we didn't meet through an online dating service. We weren't looking for love. It just happened. It may seem horribly negative, but I can't see how trying to find love makes it more possible, online or off. Trying to find a partner... well, sure, but that's very different. I know how cocky and annoying I must seem, but if I didn't happen to find my 'somebody' or if it doesn't work out, I'm not so afraid of being alone to risk being semi-in-love. Besides—and I really don't like the way I know I'm coming across—one has to be entirely happy with themselves ALONE to ever truly be happy with someone else. ***walks away as everyone mutters their disgust underneath their breath*** |
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Posted on Tuesday, January 16, 2007 12:07 PM
The whole online dating experience feels like reading a Sears catalogue. I agree with you, Guy, I'll take a wink and a smile in the subway (there's no subway in Vancouver) over a scroll through an online list, any day. This brings me to thinking about what Kathryn is saying about choice. In the subway experience there's only one choice: wink back or don't. Online, there are as many options as there are profiles. Maybe our generation is truly "spoiled by choice." |
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Posted on Thursday, January 11, 2007 8:21 AM
I agree with Thiago Baraldi that it seems that relationships (as so many other aspects of our lives) are becoming more and more conservative in our generation. It's almost as if we had to rebel against our parents' rebellious nature by sticking traditionalism in their face. "Mom! it's not cool anymore to be 'hip'...Sigh."
Also, isn't everything in this post-1968 world so open, full of choices, and thus - impossibly complex to manage? Sometimes I do wish I just had been arranged a marriage when I was 18...
Online dating is another conundrum: While I agree with Sam Yagan that it opens up the playing field, I also think that it might shift away the focus from some really important things (like chemistry) to more abstract qualities (such as good writing skills). While looks and spontaneity matter less in the online dating world, eventually you have to meet, and then you have to back all your online charm with some real qualities. Too often that just sets the daters up for major disappointment. My friend Jeana Frost did some interesting research about that phenomenon. Google her...
So, call me a traditionalist, but at the end of the day, I want to date someone who smiled back at me in the subway, rather than someone who knows how to write a cute bit about the woes of winter. |
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Posted on Monday, January 08, 2007 4:57 PM
Online dating, Singles in the Classifieds its pretty close but not as interactive. The principal surfaces are the same because there is not physical contact; people can be who ever they want to be. I believe people who start dating through the internet are not as happy with themselves then people who start dating face to face. At sometime most people I know will use the internet to find people with common interests. This is much different then attempting to find love through a keyboard. The idea of romance can be much more powerful then the reality. |
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Posted on Monday, January 08, 2007 4:37 PM
Thank you for your comments. Sexuality is tricky territory and while as Kat
says, it is fluid there is the tendency to box people into defined
categories.
We would like to point out an email we received from one of our members about the Young Men exhibit,
"This issue is disappointing. Almost everything in the world these days is made from or for the views of young men. Why is it that every time women gather to talk about and for women/girls someone insists on bringing it back
to men?"
At Imagining Ourselves, we feel that change in attitudes and a different approach to the issues facing men and women can only take place through dialogue between men and women. We wanted to create this space where men and women could talk about issues affecting both sexes.
Do you think that including male voices somehow excludes women's
perspectives?
What do you think?
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Posted on Sunday, January 07, 2007 4:11 PM
thanks all for join this website.proud to see human deed in the land.save energy.save water to live.goodluk. |
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Posted on Friday, January 05, 2007 2:05 PM
I enjoyed Roi Werner's film "Bordo- Only Mine". I feel that he did an excellent job in portraying relationships as power struggles. He makes it clear that these power struggles are not always between a man and a woman, a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, but they are between two people. I think the best way to understand any relationship is to forget gender and to think in terms of people. Stereotypes hold no place in a relationship because no two relationships are alike. The only thing all relationships have in common is the interaction of two different people. |
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Posted on Thursday, January 04, 2007 6:46 PM
I agree that it’s no surprise that such things – namely, class – very naturally shape our cultural, if not psychological arses, and definitely have an impact on relationships between people. Whether that is how it should be or not is beyond what I intended for the piece, and frankly the only thing that I can be sure of is that this is how it is. I was rather attempting to describe how that mechanism works in my country.
As for comparing our generation to that of our parents, that is tricky. Our parents had more freedom than us in many aspects. Their generation of women carried out women’s lib. The current generation of women still enjoys the fruits of the emancipation conquered by the previous one, but also suffers social, economical and cultural oppression that has been increasingly standardized for men and women and further massified. They generation of men was a bit startled by the loss of some of the status of oppressor that the previous one had, but also enjoyed the sexual renaissance of the time. Our generation of men and women grew up dead scared of Aids, having seen people die out of having sex, and as the popular belief of the time would have, anal sex, and very gay at that. Speaking of gays, now pledge for marriage. In the sixties, man, people wouldn’t even get married, or marry three chicks and a dude at once in Berkeley. Free love. That is actually an obsolete trend. To me it looks like it’s getting more and more conservative. The sexual and social pallette of what the establishment will encompass has broadened, but the establishment prevails.
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Posted on Wednesday, January 03, 2007 2:26 PM
Sexuality is and can be a far more fluid thing today then it was in the past. However, pressure still exists to define yourself, your relationship and your partner- pressure to fit in a box. Heteronormativity is still privleged and valued over other sexualities and types of relationship. This is evident in the lack of equality between "straight" and "gay" couples and monogamous and non-monogamous relationships (in Australia at least). The concept of relationships and families is being changed and expanded all over the world yet the ideal prevails. There is still a yard stick all relationships and families are judged in relation to.
That said, I think it is better today than in my parents or grandparents day. When I listen to my elders, when they share his/her-story with me I realise just how free I am, how different it is for my generation. It is good to know a lot has changed but I think there is still a long way to go before this world will have a place for me. |
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Posted on Wednesday, January 03, 2007 12:30 PM
Ugh! [Technical Difficulties] Anyway, it seems so typical to say a kind of bias towards 'lesser' classes, etc., determines likely candidates for partners in love. It's typical... but why is it a surprise? Seriously, just because it's politically correct to say such things shouldn't matter, you have to be a tad ignorant to believe that they wouldn't. I'm not saying they should matter, but they very naturally shape the foundation for a person's interests, etc. I used to be 'middle class' I guess. Now, I'm disabled and lower class. But my preferences didn't lower. I still like and want the same things I did when I was an able-bodied member of the almost-posh middle class. I may not get it, but that's a different topic altogether. |
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