الأبوة
تقليدياً، كان الكلام على التنشئة الأبوية قاصراً على النساء. فمن مدونات الأمهات، إلى مجلات التنشئة الأبوية، إلى الصورة الرمزية للأم والطفل في الفن؛ كان الناس يفترضون أن تنشئة الأطفال هي وظيفة المرأة,
لكن، ما هي الأبوة؟ إنه موضوع لم يحظ بالكثير من الاهتمام في المجال العام. ولكن جيلنا المعاصر من الشباب يقدم المزيد والمزيد من الجهد في القيام بأدوارهم وتجاربهم كآباء؛ وقد حان الوقت لكي نوليهم الاهتمام.
اقرؤوا مقالة أندرو ماثيو "الاستعداد للأبوة" عن الغموض الذي شعر به حيال دوره وهو سيصبح أباً. شاهدوا فيلم "شين وكارمايكل" لرؤية وجهة نظر طريفة حول تربية التوائم، تصفحوا الصور المؤثرة التي تدل على ارتباط الآباء بأطفالهم. شاركونا قصصكم و انضموا إلى المناقشات.
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Disclaimer: I am not a father. But looking at young dads around me, I wonder what kind of father I would be, or could be. All the time remembering what most of my already-parenting friends remind me of:that I can't imagine it until it actually happens to me.
The new fathers in Pelle Koornstra's movie, even though they are from a different culture, remind me of the challenges my own friends face. Finding time to spend with the children after the long hours of a day job; "playing second fiddle" to the mother when it comes to making decisions about the children; losing control over one's time and freedom; suffering the frequent insult of the natural or learned attraction a child has towards their mother.
So, what is it like to be a young father in the 21st century? Listen to the stories of our contributors, and share your own thoughts.
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Posted on Sunday, January 21, 2007 11:53 AM
There's also the aspect of having to sort of invent this new fatherhood model. Given the fact that our dads really were merely "on the sidelines of child rearing", in Teddy Wieczorek words - our generation doesn't really have a role model to copy from.
And young dads must also muster the strengths for this new "extreme fatherhood" without the physical and hormonal changes that - while strenuous - often trigger a new mindset in young mothers' brains. I think a lot of dads feel that they need to find some more artificial mechanism to "develop any sort of feelings for the child [their] wife carries in her womb", to quote Andru Matthews.
Although, I've also heard the opposite, my friend's husband for example said that he is already "in love" with their unborn daughter.
What were your experiences?
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Posted on Sunday, January 21, 2007 5:18 AM Hard Work! At least I think that is what my Husband (Kenny) will say if you ask him. But he will also say it is very fulfilling for him to be very involved with our two kids. Unlike our parents generation where the fathers didn't really get hands -on involved with the day-to-day raising of the children (my father beleived that once the money was provided that's it for his own part). I think our generation have learnt that it can't be that way. For one thing I work and my work means I travel a lot sometimes and when that happens Kenny has to fill in. He has to be the mother and father. We can't really get good help and both my mother and mother-in-law still work (can you beleive it?) they really aren't your typically grandparents. But I think it is about time too. It takes two to bring kids into this world. there are many single parent out there (mostly women) but more men are emerging. For many famillies (fathers) out there in this 21st century taking care of business, taking care of their children etc well done. |
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M D الولايات المتحدة الأمريكية |
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Posted on Saturday, January 20, 2007 3:29 PM Regarding representations of fatherhood within the mass media and Guy's comment about "what do you do?" I think part of the problem is our framework for considering success. So much emphasis is placed on "what" a father does, rather than "how" the father does it. When I think about healthy father roles--both onscreen and off--I realize that a good deal of the problem is in the fact that our culture tends to frame success in quantifiable ways (ie. a good father makes good money and coaches the team), but what about the leadership, compassion, and sensitivity that the father may teach? I think being a good father begins with being a good person; and teaching by example. But I am hard-pressed to find much evidence of this on TV or in the movies. |
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Posted on Friday, January 19, 2007 6:32 AM when i watch the way my brother is raising his sons it's clear to me that he is trying to create the relationship with them that he wished he had with our dad. so i agree with guy on that point. but he is still the family breadwinner, and still largely clueless about household decisions and defers to his wife on everything. and that is a burden on her, not a "lack of respect" as was mentioned in the 'sleeved fatherhood' essay that seems to lament some 'loss of superiority of the male'. |
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Posted on Friday, January 19, 2007 3:48 AM
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 9:59 PM Traditonally our societal norms dont encourage fathers to stay home and take care of the kids but the scoiety is changing we have equal opportunities for men and women. Its hard one parent giving up their careers and ambitions and at the same time sacrificing it to raise kids. Even today, the greatest sacrifices are made by the mothers in my society, fathers take the traditional role setting of being the bread winner & make few sacrifices in raising the kids apart from making financial contributions. Its hard... i guess. Am not a parent yet but it worth seriously considering what kind of father would i want for my kids |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 8:28 PM Raising children is hardwork. When father's share in this responsibility is at least half of the work, it makes family life easier. I agree with Guy that some men have discovered that special bond with their children. This is probably the motivation some young men have to make an attempt at fatherhood instead of hiding themselves in their work. To loving and active fathers out there... Well Done! |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 11:19 AM Also - another thought: From looking at the submissions, and also at my friends who are already parents, it seems that young fathers today learn - the hard way - to appreciate the hard work our mothers performed. Work which - let's admit it - many
of our own dads dismissed as easy or automatic, often considering only
themselves to be the hard-working half of the parental unit.
But with it, they also discover the hidden joys of bonding with their children. I often feel that many dads in our generation are out to create a whole new kind of human relationship, maybe one that they dreamt they could have had with their own
fathers.
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 11:16 AM Regarding fathers in popular culture - you could say that "Full House" investigated that role to some extent.
I do agree that it seems jarring even for me (I consider myself very liberal) to imagine that I wouldn't work anymore and just stayed home. Maybe it's because so much of our identity is derived from our profession, and this seems to be especially true for men.
"What do you do?" is the first question you get at a party. |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 7:46 AM flickrdom representing!
Being raised by my mom only (my father took off when I was 10 and prior to that he wasnt around much either) I really admire you man, truly! Even though what you do should be the standard behavour, it still isnt. You are a special human being and an example to follow (dont hate me for posting this :P) |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 3:52 AM I am an old young man 45 years brown black eyes I like the voyage, the exchange of gifts the avantures. very romantic and opened, I seek a young woman age indiférént to bind a friendship and marriage siaffinities. I sincere and nostalgic, I will like to make of my partner if we intendions ourselves, a woman of tomorrow. E mall: chaer_elhamra@hotmail.com |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 3:51 AM
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 3:43 AM Haha. If it were only that easy to pick up women online. I give you points for trying though, after all this is the International Museum of Women. |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 3:33 AM seek woman for marriage age between 20 years /50 years |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 3:32 AM helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooo |
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Posted on Thursday, January 18, 2007 1:30 AM True, Michael. There are very few healthy role models of fatherhood in popular media. Al Bundy of Fox's "Married with Children" being pretty much the lowest valley. But it's popular culture which generally is not to be taken seriously at all. It's the lowbrow in all of us.
When I was staying home with my son there were days I would of done anything to just get out of the house and like, shoot a deer or something. Haha. But I think that feeling crosses genders. Kids can drive you batty.
One other thing. I sometimes feel that we have perceptions about what it was like to be a father twenty, forty years ago but don't really know the truth of it. I suspect that there were a lot of fathers out there who very much wanted to stay home with their children, but that just wasn't how it worked, or maybe they did? It'd be interesting to know statistics. I'd imagine that when fathers were laid off from work they stayed home to watch the kids while their wives picked up work until they could find a new job. |
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M D الولايات المتحدة الأمريكية |
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Posted on Wednesday, January 17, 2007 10:09 PM Funny, Aksam, I've had a few proposals of that nature..."we could get married...I'll go to work and you'll stay home with the kids." I always found them enticing, but not enough. When I'm doing what I love, I love my work. But isn't it interesting that we can even speak of a distinction between forms of work (going to work v. staying home with the kids)? |
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Posted on Tuesday, January 16, 2007 6:42 PM I agree with Michael.
I am a father, with two kids. I work. But secretly, i want to not work. I want to raisekids. I can't tell this to my own father or he would alugh. But this is not equal. |
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Posted on Tuesday, January 16, 2007 3:25 PM I think it is a big plus for young men to be realising that parenthood can be very fulfilling. Traditionally, society assigns women to the job of looking after the children. With all the talk about 'Gender' it is welcoming that men are willing to challenge the status quo too, in this area. It is never too late for men to begin programs that provide the network and support needed to cope with fatherhood. |
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Posted on Tuesday, January 16, 2007 9:15 AM I love Pelle's little film. It got me thinking about examples of fatherhood in our everyday popular culture. I'm astonished by the fact that our popular cinema contains so few depictions of healthy fatherhood roles. The best one I can think of is Finding Forrester (about a man who learns to father and a boy who finds some a father-figure). I agree that "mothers have a wide array of media outlets in which to express their views, from women’s magazines to television programs" and so it is great to see some Male expression of what it means to be a father.
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