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The Modern African Non-Mother
Rosemary Ekosso
CameroonGALLERYCONVERSATION
A few weeks ago, I was speaking to one of my sisters on the telephone, and she told me that she had met an old schoolmate of mine,...
When my sister told me about this conversation, I was furious. The source of my anger was not that I feel inadequate for not being a mother in my mid-thirties; it was about Linda’s blinkered view of the role of African women today.
I have a friend named Jane who is also in her mid-thirties and is the oldest of five siblings. Like me, Jane is unmarried and has no children. For as long as I have known her, she has been the mainstay of the family economy. She has paid fees, provided long-term accommodation, and helped her parents finish their house.
As non-mothers, we are regarded as unnatural. In the eyes of many Africans we are worse than useless, we are failures. Even though we are more likely to help our families than our brothers, who are more likely to spend their money on other women than help their extended families, we are still failures.
Sometimes I think that if I were completely free of family and social pressure, I wouldn’t have children at all. Other times, I cannot stop dreaming of stroking the soft, smooth warmth of a baby’s back. I want children for many reasons, some of which are good, and some of which are not. But the overriding reason I want them is because in the matter of offspring, I feel the love and concern of my family like a rope around my neck. I want to take it off.
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