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Lacking Harriet
Jesse Green
United StatesGALLERYCONVERSATION
Eight and a half years older than I, he could even have been the same age as Mr. Orr, though what seemed an unbridgeable chasm of time to...
Whether because of that slight generational difference, or because of the larger difference in personality between us, Andy brought to our shared cosmos a much longer comet trail of past involvements, with both men and women, than I did. Joining our orbits in 1995 was therefore more a matter of my merging into his than vice-versa, just as my mother had come into marriage in 1951 with little besides a sharp eye for observing the onslaught of my father’s friends and kin.
Eight years later, that transaction long since ironed out (neither of us owns the boys; they own us), we are “four men living together” – though two of us enact a masculinity still defined by knights, superheroes, and furtive, contraband weapons. I can’t speak to the way my relationship to Andy might have proceeded had there been no children involved, or had they come along after a decorous honeymoon of several years.
But there is more to a marriage than the chores. There is, for example, how you do the chores. I was astonished and frustrated to learn, in our first year together, that not everyone naturally bows to the obvious superiority of my method of loading the dishwasher –...
For the thing about a gay male relationship is that – surprise! – it involves two men. Despite stereotypes, neither is a wife or wants to be. Just watch a Bette Davis movie (and make the appropriate substitution) to see how brutal an old-fashioned fairy tale can be. At home, even florists and hairdressers fight like cats and dogs.
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