Choosing
Is motherhood a choice?
In Mexico, Sandra Bello proudly declares that she does not ever want to become a mother and defines herself as a woman in other ways. Contrary to popular beliefs, she writes, “my uterus is not a ticking time bomb.”
In San Francisco, Sarah Windels discovers she is accidentally pregnant, disrupting all her plans to pursue her dream career as a photographer. After many sleepless nights, she decides to keep the baby, resolute in her determination to combine motherhood with her professional dreams.
In the film “Plum Flower,” a mother in China is told by her family that she needs to kill her newborn baby girl. She takes the baby into the woods with a vial of poison, and has to decide whether to kill her helpless daughter.
In an age where women have more and more success in the career world, does society still determine our worth by our ability to bear kids? Is it a good thing that modern medicine now allows women to push motherhood into their late thirties and early forties? How much control SHOULD we have over whether and when we become mothers?
Join the conversation.
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As a woman, I have chosen to make of my world a place where I can decide for myself. I don’t reject the nature of my being, but I want to live my womanhood without it necessarily implying motherhood. I believe I can live alternate experiences of creating and nourishing life, and I believe other women of my generation feel the same way.
I invite you to join this conversation and share your thoughts and experiences on choosing to experience alternate motherhoods.
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Posted on Wednesday, March 28, 2007 11:33 AM
i am a 27 years old girl from the part of Nigeria, Africa where high premium is placed on the commencement of motherhood in the early 20s. I am unmarried and not a mother even though I feel the subtle pressure of being married which is the only aceptable means of becoming a mother. I would really love to be married and have children of my own but I cannot stop my life in search of that dream: That is a goal that comes naturally and the other things which you do to get prepared for that aspiration (build a successful career and financial security)should not be neglected either. So right now, I guess I'm getting myself ready to be a very good wife and mother. |
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 11:57 PM
I am 29 and I find myself all of a sudden longing for a baby even though my mind is telling me "no", there is not enough money, not enough time...but my body is not listening. I walk around in baby shops and page through name books. My little girl is seven and it was such a difficult time, things are more stable now, but not perfect. The mind wants things to be perfect and planned and organised, but the mother in me has got other ideas, I am wondering if this is normal at my age and I am wondering if this phase will pass? My girl is the happiest part of my day, the reason to get up, but motherhood is so scary, what if I don't make it the second time, all the responsibillity... |
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 11:00 PM
Living in Pakistan, you can hardly expect to make decisions for yourself. when i decided to get married, I thought to myself, no more social pressures for me. But lo and behold, soon afterwards the pressure to get pregnant started. But I was not in any mood to succumb this time. Though I planned my pregnancy around my career, motherhood itself was a shock.
In this age there are more women who are defined by their interests and professions than 50 years ago when women were mostly defined by their sons and husband.
Motherhood has now just become another aspect of life for women who are defined by other things as life. So this is more a personal choice then a compulsion. This is also probably the toughest job in the world. To facilitate women who want to pursue their interests and motherhood, we should call for more family support, day care support, flexible hours at work, compassion leaves so that we can accomodate our interests in motherhood and vice versa.
There are still many women who do not have choice in this matter and are bound to work to feed them as well. They find themselves between a rock and a hard place. As women we all should ask for more rights for us to lead a healthy and balanced life. |
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 10:37 PM
I am encouraged by what everyone is contributing. I believe that motherhood is a choice and women should have support regardless of their choices. |
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 9:15 PM
Separating motherhood from womanhood is a challenging exercise for me. Who would I be if I did not feel the innate draw towards loving and caring for others? I don't see that one needs to bear a baby to be close to motherhood, to care for others, and to experience the care that a mother (we all have one) endears.
I am happy to be in a place where I can choose my destiny and not have my life limited by having a child in my care. It's limited in some sense of the word- my bed time is much earlier than it used to be:) But my child has opened up so many doors to my exploration of the world that never existed before, and I am continually excited to have a friend to share life with and to watch grow. I don't know exactly how it all came together- some sort of magic happened to keep me fed and clothed it seems.
It is beyond my understanding how the right to choose our destiny as women and mothers has endured such jeopardy. How is birth control such a bad thing? How can we continually be demonized for early term abortions? Why isn't adoption a critical part of the abortion debate? Social policy is peppered with inconsistancies throughout the world.... how can the political conversation move away from where it is now to a place that is trusting and respectful of women and their choices? |
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 8:54 PM
I've never really considered myself to make a good mother. i'm only 19, will be 20 in 3 days, but i still don't see myself with a family - a husband and kids. while i do believe that children are blessings... among the greatest joys in a woman's life, i don't believe it will make you any less of a woman if you don't bear any. it is a choice. if you find yourself regretting you didn't get hitched and have kids while you're sitting alone watching a late-night rerun then that's a consequence you have to live with. what's most important is how complete you see yourself and your life. a lot of women don't have kids even when they want it so badly; that doesn't make them lesser women than a mom with 20 kids she can't really raise anyway. if you plan to have kids, just be sure you'll raise them well. if you can't or don't think you can, and you're not willing to try, then don't have them at all. the rest of the world will be better off without renegade kids and bad mothers. |
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 8:22 PM
It's great to read all of your different opinions on a woman's right to choose, I feel a deep sense of respect towards the decision of others, which makes me think even more that we are ready as human beings to walk individual paths that as a whole make healthier futures for all.
I also find very important that we are keeping a counscious record of our experiences, learning from them and not only letting them pass by, sharing the knowledge we draw amongst ourselves and others. |
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 7:30 PM
I think it is a matter of personal choice wether to get married or not. It's not that I don't want to get married myself, but with today's current situation women have a lot of personal decision to make. And there are so many options to make in life. Like Sandra said, there are may alternate experiences of creating and nourishing life.
I have friends who chose to get married, some are content and happy being married while others are not.
All our lives we are taught to do the right thing. But the world today has a lot to offer. So why not embrace what life has to offer? If marriage and family does it for you then so be it. But if you feel yourself yearning for something more, or if you don't feel you are ready, why let society have its way with you?
There is nothing wrong with enjoying wedded bliss. But there is nothing wrong with coosing to be single, either. |
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 6:38 PM
I agree with Sandra's point of view that womanhood is not primarily only a thing to motherhood. When I was young, I never planned of getting married and have kids of my own (talking about being a full time mum and look after your kids everyday of your life). My dream was to stay single, build my own career, travel around the world and meet diffrent types of people. Motherhood for me is both a choice and coincidence. When I met my husband during my holiday, I never thought some of my plans would change, we both fell in love, got married a few months after we met. I can say that I am happily married to him and although we can't have a kid we know that we've done the right thing. We enjoy each other's company, we are working hard for our dreams. As long as you are happy with your choices you'll feel that your life is complete. What is the point f being a mother if you don't look after your kids properly, being a mother is a BIG responsibility, you're not just being called as a "MUM" but to do your obligations and if you cannot do it, then that's the time that you have to make your choice. |
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 6:32 PM
The matter of how much control women have over motherhood will always be an everlasting battle. It touches both sides of the personal preference realm to the deeply religious. But each and every woman should decide on their own if they are ready for mother hood, and if you are not please take the responsibility of getting on birth control.
I would hope that when a woman decides it time to procreate that they themselves are mentally, emotionally and financially ready for all the responsibilities of having and raising a child. Society family or religion should never be the reason to have a child. Having a child should be out of pure love. It shouldn’t be the fear of trying to keep your mate, or at the request of parents, not even the ticking of the biological clock. Have a child because you are ready to share your love and joy.
I have had 7 miscarries, although I am not ready to give up I still carry in my heart from the first time I decided I was ready to have baby that I cant wait to share my experiences and love with my own child. And if God and my body decide it can’t procreate, they are children out there who are ready for a mother's love.
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 4:58 PM
women should explore herself and do her natural role on earth. as food preference goes more organic and similArly cosmetics bear herbal labels.
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 2:58 PM
Totally agree with you Betty! :-) |
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 2:42 PM
I think it is still pushed for woman to have children and be defined by that. I totally support women who chose not to have children. They are still intelligent, capable, and loving without children. I think putting pressure on women to have children drives them to make poor decisions about relationships and other life issues and to early in their lives. I personally choose to have children and wouldn't trade my two sons for anything, but I also made that decision after I had been through the growing years of my twenties and discovering who I was a person. My best friend has decided not to have children and I support 100%. In my opinion as well, motherhood is not for every woman. It takes a lot patience and understanding. It is a lot of responsibility as well. Not everyone has the tempermant to handle it, which is not a bad thing. Women need to have the choice to fulfill their own potential without being pressured to feel that her only worth comes from bearing children. |
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 2:14 PM
Hello ladies, in fact i do agree that its a choice i grew up not thinking it was. I was raised in mexico with traditional values that you get married and have kids and that is your duty. I am now 33 yrs old and a single mom of 4 and believe me that i ADORE AND LOVE MY KIDS but is so hard. I do not regret having them but if i knew then what i know NOW it would have made a difference. I want my kids to learn that IS A CHOICE to get married and have kids but i am teaching them the importance of this issues so they wont make the same mistakes as i have. As long as they know who they are, the faith that they have then they will make the right choices. Many can tell us to do things, but its A CHOICE! NOW I KNOW IT.. BE BLESSED :-) |
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 1:49 PM
Today women have more choices than having children. I respect any women who makes a choice to have or not have children. Being a woman is powerful. Having a child is a experience that is not for every women. We as women need to support each other wether we decide to have children or not. |
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 1:48 PM
Hello everyone! My name is Connie I am a 25 year old, recently married and college graduate. I would love to be a mom more than anything in the world. But I have some gynecology issues and I also want a career in Medicine. Being Catholic and very Mexican, everyone has asked since the day I married, when I would have children and that just pushes my time frame further away. More than any physical problem I am with holding having children as a way to rebel! I think as women we should be able to choose, there is nothing wrong with having some control over your body and your life! God does make the ultimate decision, but as long as he is allowing me to live a happy, successful,and fulfilling life without children......I WILL! |
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 1:38 PM
I am a twenty-nine year old living in the hussel and bussel of Los Angeles. I do not want now, nor ever, to have children. I love that my life is in a rush, that I am running for busses, appointments and work. My husband and I are rarely home and we like it that way. I don't want a child to intrude on what I have. Alot of people do not seem to understand this, they say "You will change your mind when you are older (they have been saying that since I was 16" or "You are just not ready yet". I know they are just words, but they are driving me bonckers. I don't ask them about their choice to HAVE children, and yet from all angles I an getting this pressure. |
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Posted on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 12:33 PM
Thanks Mariela. I agree with you, every woman is entitled to choose according to her feelings, dreams and possibilities. Bearing children is one way of experiencing motherhood, mine is taking care of my two cats for example, they are quite a handful! and I do feel a kind of maternal instinct towards them: i want to protect them, feed them and make sure they live a joyful life... |
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Posted on Friday, March 16, 2007 4:28 AM
I like the way she thinks!
Although i would like very much to have children, that´s the way i feel and not the way EVERY woman should feel. Each person wants to live their life however they want to. Just because we are women does not mean we have to have kids. Like Sandra said, we´re ticking time bombs...... |
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